When it comes to topics like politics, parenting, and finances, we all have at least two cents to share. Depending on our experience and personality, we may have a lot more to contribute. While many people, my husband included, wait for others to ask for their advice, others feel compelled to share without an invitation.
Even though I often have unsolicited financial advice to give, I don’t always offer it. I consider myself a tactful, kind, and socially aware person. Sometimes it’s not appropriate to share advice when you aren’t asked. Other times, like we talked about previously, people “ask” without realizing it and genuinely appreciate others’ insight.
Here are some things I try to think about before offering my unsolicited financial advice:
Motives
When our motives are pure, giving financial advice comes naturally. The best motive is love. We want to share financial advice with those we care about so they will avoid pitfalls, improve their financial situation and be happier. Any other motive pales in comparison to love (and some are worse than others).
Relationships
Even when our motives are pure, we still need to consider the specific relationship. Not everyone handles advice or help the same way. If sharing unsolicited financial advice could jeopardize a relationship, it’s probably not worth sharing. However, if the relationship is one of mutual trust and respect, then advice can often be well-received.
Words
Choosing our words carefully will help convey that our advice isn’t meant to be judgmental, but sincere and helpful. Instead of using words like “should” and “need to,” we can use gentler phrasing.
- I was thinking about what your situation and wondered if you have considered _____?
- Have you ever thought about _______?
Sharing
We gain trust and rapport by sharing our own experiences. Starting with our own experiences can be an effective way to share advice. I was given advice about debt from someone who I knew loathed debt. At first I felt a little ashamed when she’d talk to me about debt because I knew how she felt about it. As she opened up and shared her experience, I learned that she had gone through some really rough trials in her life because of debt. She understood much more than I gave her credit for. I didn’t realize that her hatred to debt came because she had been there.
What about you?
- Are you one who keeps quiet or do you share your two cents?
- What advice do you have about giving advice?
- Have you had an epic win or fail when you gave unsolicited financial advice?
I think you’re right that the person has to be wanting to hear it. Advice can come off as judgey, and it’s no wonder people put their defenses up. I try to do it via relating personal experiences like your friend or by saying, “You know, I just read this thing about….I don’t know if it’s good for your situation, but I could forward it along if you think it might help?” I do a lot of pf blog reading, so that’s usually the way it happens lol. And when it’s coming from a 3rd party I think it feels a little less invasive.
It is helpful when the actual advice comes from a third party, even if it’s a friend or family member who points me to it.
Great advice! It really makes sense. I’m gonna remember it all because I found it really helpful. Thanks a lot!
Before we started our journey out of debt, I was annoyed by financial advice. I received it as the “wah-wah-wah” of the teacher from Charlie Brown. (Is that an outdated reference?) Now that we’re two years into our debt reduction, I find I have to put a filter on my own mouth when it comes to giving unsolicited advice. You’re right. It has to stem from genuine good will, and it has to be offered respectfully.
It is funny how the tables turn when your situation changes. And I get the Charlie Brown reference way better than I would something in the last couple decades!! (I’m a pop culture loser!) That is a really good way to describe the way we receive advice sometimes!
The only person I give unsolicited financial advice to is my sister. I do have to be careful with the words I choose so the message is received in love…if I’m not super careful, then her defenses will go right up and my words will be discarded. I try not to give the unsolicited advice too often, but every time my “listening-to-her-complain-about-not-being-able-to-pay-her-bills-after-she-just-bought-something-frivolous” tank fills up, I have at it, kindly. If I’m in a REALLY kind mood, I might even point-blank ask her if she would like to hear my advice.
I know just what you mean Liz! Sometimes I share out of frustration, other times it’s more loving. It’s hard to see people you love struggle financially. Since it is so personal and most people who have financial problems, know they have problems, defenses go up easily.