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You are here: Home / FRUGAL LIVING / What are your kids learning from you about money?

What are your kids learning from you about money?

May 18, 2015 by Stephanie 9 Comments

If we don’t teach kids about money, they will still learn. It just won't be what we want them to learn. We need to be more intentional with what we teach our kids about money.

 

Enjoy this insightful guest post from Mark at BareBudgetGuy.  I know I did!

My mom always said that nothing compensates for good, clear communication. This is especially true in marriage. When the kids are finally in bed after a long day, and my wife and I finally have a few minutes to have some uninterrupted communication, we usually discuss what we are most excited about.

The problem is, however, that we are excited about very different things. I usually want to talk about some aspect of our finances. My wife often wants to talk about her latest house decorating or violin teaching ideas. The result is that we end up discussing either how we don’t have enough money in the budget for additional decorating or why some of her students haven’t paid her yet, and we both end up feeling upset.

We have gotten better though. We can now usually have a conversation about decorating or violin teaching without me bringing money into it, and my wife can now hang with the best of them when conversing about personal finance.

The wake up call

Though we’ve come a long way, I still sometimes wonder if I focus too much on money. I had a wakeup call one night just recently before putting the kids to bed. My son, who is 7 and the oldest of our three little ones, was saying a prayer.

Usually the kids’ prayers don’t vary much. They pray that they can rest well, be nice, and that the sick people will feel better. But he said something that night that made my wife and I look at each other with wide eyes. He said “Please bless my dad that he can make more money.”

At first I felt surprise. Then I felt excitement. Maybe the prayer of an innocent 7-year-old would carry more weight than my own prayers. But then I felt a little embarrassed. Did I really talk about money that much? So much that my son took it upon himself to pray that I could make more of it?

What am I teaching my kids?

That led me to think about what it is that I’m really teaching my kids. We consciously try to teach them good manners, to be grateful, and to be service oriented. But what about all the time I’m not teaching them, like when I’m talking to my wife about how the world will end if I’m not retired by 40? Those are the moments when they learn what Dad thinks is really important. They are constantly watching what we do, what we say, and how we react to things.

Here are a few things we’ve focused on lately:

We teach them about working to earn money

We recently started paying our son a quarter here and 50 cents there for additional jobs, not including basic chores like making his bed and keeping his room clean which we expect the kids to do anyway. We discovered that we can get our house cleaned for about $4.00. This kid is motivated!

We teach them the difference between not having money and choosing not to spend money

I used to tell my kids that “we didn’t have enough money” for things they would bug me to buy. In reality, we do have money, but we also have a budget. Instead of telling them we don’t have enough money, we are now careful to tell them that we just choose not to spend it.

I know people who grew up thinking they were poor because that’s what they were constantly told by their parents. In turn, they grew up with a scarcity mindset and a negative view of money.

If we simply say that we don’t have enough money, it’s easy for a child to interpret that if we did have the money, we would spend it. It’s better to teach our kids that we are in control financially and that we can choose where our money goes.

Simple ways we teach our kids there’s more to life than money

Do our kids know by our conduct what is truly important to us? The financial aspect of our lives can only contribute to our happiness when it’s in harmony with the other areas—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.

Less work, more play

How much time with our kids do we voluntarily sacrifice to work? This depends heavily on individual circumstances, but too often we send the message that work (or money) is more important than spending time with family.

Shortly after starting my career in public accounting, I came to dislike the idea that you get to wear some kind of badge of honor for hours worked. For me, it’s much more about efficiency and quality of work. Quantity time with kids, however, sends the right message and does qualify a parent for a badge of honor in my book.

We talk to our kids about current events

We have a world map on the wall next to our kitchen table, which makes it easy to talk to them about things that are happening in the world. It usually leads to discussions about gratitude, how we can help others, and a general awareness of the world.

Intentional finance

These make a sample of some of the things we try to teach our kids that we’ve found actually seem to sink in. If we don’t teach our kids, they will still learn. It just might not be what we would have chosen for them. I’m realizing that I have to be more intentional with what I teach. Not only do I have to be in control of my money but also in control of what I teach my kids about money.

Do I feel bad that my son voluntarily prayed that I could make more money? Yes, a little. It was a good reminder for me to make sure I keep myself (and my family) balanced, but I’d be lying if I said I weren’t secretly pleased that he put in a good word for me.

mark Mark is a proud husband, dad to 3 energetic little ones, CPA, and the man behind BareBudgetGuy.com where he discusses family, finance, and encourages others to bare their budgets. He enjoys reading random tax literature at odd hours of the night, roughhousing with his kids, eating chocolate chip cookies & watching movies with his wife, and of course, all things related to personal finance.

Filed Under: FRUGAL LIVING, with KIDS

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Comments

  1. [email protected] says

    January 30, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Great post! Growing up I had friends who managed their finances brilliantly in junior high l and others who didn’t learn until high school. It seems like you have a great grasp on what to teach your kids. I, too, don’t want mine to start worrying about the money I make, but instead I’d like to teach them about budgets and savings.

    Reply
  2. Janeen says

    May 23, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Good points, Mark. We have always been proponents of wise money management, but after reading The Legacy Journey by Ramsey we decided that we really needed to kick our kid’s education into gear. We bought the kids curriculum that they sell (it was half off!) and are looking forward to going through it this summer.

    Reply
  3. lydia @ frugaldebtfreelife says

    May 20, 2015 at 6:45 am

    Yes! Teaching kids money comes from work is key. We are already setting this mindset with our 3-year-old. He had little chores and he gets paid for them (a quarter).

    Reply
  4. [email protected] says

    May 18, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    I agree with you about the work thing. Mostly I just like to day dream about it, but I can’t imagine hanging around all day!

    Reply
  5. Becca says

    May 18, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    I’m a huge fan of pocket money (allowance). Nagging stops completely when you can tell your kids, “Well, save your pocket money.”

    When it comes to money we prioritise study and travel. Since our kids were born my husband has completely changed profession, which required a fair bit of study; and I’m in the process of leaving work to go to grad school full-time. We also try to go overseas at least once a year, generally to south-east Asia. But when it comes to travel we aren’t picky; we go where the cheap fares are, and find fun wherever we are.

    Personally I’m not on board with retiring at 40. I think kids benefit from seeing their parents work. I have some nieces and nephews who are very young (under 2) whose parents don’t work because one of their fathers just inherited a ton of money, and I worry about the take-home message those kids are going to get, without the example of paid employment in the home.

    Reply
  6. [email protected] says

    May 18, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Excellent ideas! My husband and I are thinking about starting a system where we pay our oldest son (6) for additional chores. What types of chores do you pay your son for?

    Reply
    • [email protected] says

      May 18, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      We’re trying to pin down a more formal system. Honestly it’s been sort of haphazard. We had a ton of pine cones on our front lawn, so I told him I’d pay him 2 cents per pine cone, and pretty soon he had a few bags full. Right now it’s basically for things we haven’t usually asked him to do, which require a little more effort like cleaning a bathroom, mopping the kitchen floor, etc.

      Reply
  7. Elise says

    May 18, 2015 at 4:44 am

    Awesome post! My husband and I have been discussing how to manage money with our kids recently. I think, for us, it is also important to impose a mandatory savings rate of 10% and a mandatory tithing of 10% from their money. Those are the two most important (and possibly the two hardest) money skills adults have a hard time with, so implementing them as a young child is so important!

    Reply
    • [email protected] says

      May 18, 2015 at 5:37 pm

      Thanks Elise! I agree that teaching them to earn is just the beginning. Then what they do with it is probably even more important.

      Reply

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