I almost passed out the first time I went grocery shopping in California. When we lived in the Midwest, with an Aldi nearby, we were definitely spoiled. I upped our grocery budget from $200 to $300 to accommodate the difference in price.
What shocked me the most was the price of meat. We have never bought a lot of meat, but in the past several years we have bought even less.
Eating less meat is a great way to save money, but it’s not a great solution for everyone. Cutting down on meat makes carnivores pretty grumpy.
When I was growing up, if it didn’t have meat in it, it wasn’t a meal. As kids we were content with mac and cheese from the blue box, but we only got that when Daddy was out of town. When he was home, dinner had to include meat, usually ground beef. My mom invented all sorts of pasta dishes and casseroles that incorporated hamburger.
Fortunately I have some great ways that you can avoid the painful prices of your grocery store’s meat department altogether. I’m excited to help you think outside the styrofoam tray of the grocery store.
Let boys be boys
For our son’s sixth birthday we got him this slingshot. We had very specific rules with the slingshot to keep people safe. We didn’t think there was any chance that he would actually shoot and kill an animal.
Well, our six-year-old surprised us. Before long he proudly carried a dead squirrel into the kitchen and declared he was going to cook it for dinnerl.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised because squirrels are everywhere here. Everywhere. Given the number I see on the road (both dead and alive) I can only imagine how many there are just out of sight.
While our daughter refused to eat the squirrel stew (really just vegetable stew with a squirrely gravy) that my husband made, everyone else really enjoyed it.
In California, only one of five squirrel species can be killed on your own property without a license. Your state or city may differ. Check with your local Fish and Game Department (or your state’s equivalent) before taking any wild game.
Havest roadkill
Back in October of 2015, my husband had a little run in with a bear on his way home. In the dim dusk light, he saw it just a split second before it ran straight into the front passenger side headlight of his car. It flipped around, hitting both the front and rear passenger-side doors.
He watched the poor animal take his final breaths and wondered what to do. Because it’s illegal to bag an animal you hit with your car in California, he had to call the Sheriff’s department to take care of it. It was sad to see that beautiful animal die. It was also sad to think of the 100+ pounds of meat that ended up in a landfill.
You may live somewhere friendlier to harvesting roadkill. The laws differ by state. In Montana, you can take deer, elk, antelope, and moose involved in a traffic accident. Utah allows you to bag big game. In some states only the driver of the car is allowed to bag the animal. In others, anyone can pick it up. Check the laws in your state so you know what to do if the opportunity presents itself.
Using roadkill for meat isn’t a new idea. In parts of Alaska, Wisconsin, New York, Florida, West Virginia, Illinois and other states, large roadkill is donated to food banks.
You definitely don’t want to eat something that you just find on the side of the road. For your health’s sake make sure it’s fresh (you killed it or saw it killed) and that if any internal organs have ruptured, they haven’t leaked into and spoiled the meat. Note that heavily bruised areas make for bad steak and roast, but might be good enough to be ground. Be sure to cook any wild game thoroughly, as some animals will carry parasites.
Let it come to you
For years, the melons in the garden have attracted critters. And I’m not just talking about gophers. One year my father-in-law caught eight skunks, one each night for more than week, in a live trap set by the cantaloupe patch. Instead of just seeing a pest, we decided to try to make some use of the animals.
We knew the skunks had been well-fed, as they left a nice dent in the garden produce. You’re probably wondering about the scent gland. It’s not too hard to remove if you’re careful. Once prepared, it tastes just like chicken.
Take fly-bys
When you’re willing to find meat in these non-traditional ways, you can sometimes get it without even realizing it. On the way home from school one day, I nearly collided with a bird. I watched the rear view mirror and didn’t see it so I figured it must have made it safely away. I promptly forgot about it.
When we got home, the kids started playing outside as usual. As I was walking toward the house, my four-year-old nonchalantly asks me, “Mom, why is there a bird on the car?”
It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about, but sure enough, I had actually hit it and driven it several miles home with us. It’s beak was stuck in the grille, but the body was in good condition. We used the same marinade already prepared for our chicken that night and roasted it like a quail. There’s not a lot of meat on a single woodpecker, but it was delicious.
If you find yourself with unexpected meat on hand, The Original Roadkill Cookbook has some great ideas on how to prepare it.
I hope these strategies help you lower your food budget. Good quality protein is not cheap, but with creative harvesting, you’ll save loads of money on your grocery bill and still get good meat in your diet. You may never go back to styrofoam packaging again!
Happy April Fool’s Day!
I hope you know I am absolutely kidding.
My husband did in fact kill a bear, my father-in-law did catch eight skunks in the garden, my son did get a slingshot for his birthday, and that is really a bird from the front of my van. But we did not eat any of it. Seriously, I can’t even touch raw meat without being completely grossed out. I’m a wimp and wear plastic gloves.
If any of the meat-harvesting above is legal in your area and you’re careful about health and safety concerns, non-traditional meat can actually be a frugal option– just not for us.
Oh, and our son didn’t actually shoot a squirrel. Using his slingshot on animals is against the rules too.
Want to see my April Fool’s post from 2015? It was ridiculous too. 🙂 I have one from 2017 too. Feel free to share with your friends who could use a good laugh.
As you might have guessed, those product links are affiliate links. That means that if you happen to click through and buy, say, that roadkill cookbook I will get a small commission at no extra cost to you. You know you want it! 🙂
I once knew a missionary from somewhere down South who ate road kill. He thought it was insane you couldn’t do it in Australia and kept talking about that kangaroo meat going to waste. (There are LOTS of dead kangaroos on the sides of the roads out here. Kangaroos are dumb.)
I also once knew someone who had a chicken die, just drop dead, and she told me she was going to harvest it for meat. I talked her out of it. So a big warning to any of your readers: If you don’t know how an animal died (if you didn’t kill it or get it from a hunter or buy it from a shop) don’t eat it. If you have an animal that drops dead, don’t eat it. It might be diseased and you might get sick.
Oh, my gosh! You totally fooled me! I am laughing my head off (in the library, no less) now.
While reading it, I kept thinking, My gosh, that family sure seems to find a lot of roadkill, etc. etc. Well, to each his own… (I thought)—this is the first time in ages I’ve fallen for an April Fools joke. Good one!
I’m not going I lie, I was actually kind of disappointed to see that this was a joke. I didn’t take you guys for the sort of family that would actually go to many of those means to get meat, but I have seriously been considering setting live traps instead of killing traps for the groundhogs this year, thinking that if I knew they were fresh I could make them into “chuck”roasts. I had a deer get hit right in front of me a few years ago, so I actually did ask the policeman that arrived if I could harvest the meat. Later I heard him refer to me to his partner as “zombi girl”. I was rather amused. And though I would certainly not eat regular road kill, animals killed on the road during winter when they freeze right away do make good free dog food.
Hahaha
I was reading it and was getting grossed up a bit myself and then I remember your post about canning a turkey and how your mother in law had to come and help as you just could not touch that raw turkey! Then I realized you must be joking 😉
Good one
You better believe it! Maybe my husband could handle it, but not me!!
hahahaha…you TOTALLY got me! Good one! 🙂
It was hard to picture you doing that, but you had me going. Do you have chickens? And eat them?
We do have chickens, but we haven’t eaten any of them. My daughter would not be able to handle that. We lost three of our ducks to predators and it took her weeks to be able to talk about it without tears. We had fish a couple of weeks ago and she wouldn’t touch it (it looked too much like a fish). She was upset when I was feeding some to the baby because she couldn’t choose to eat it and it might make her sad if she grows up and finds out she ate a fish without knowing it. Meat is kind of a sensitive topic with her. She didn’t even want me to write this post, even though it was a joke.
I lost it when I got to the squirrel part!! Too funny!!
I woke up today reminding myself it’s April 1 and to not believe goofy stuff on the internet. You still TOTALLY got me though. “Tastes like chicken.” Haha!
I got to the end and thought, “oh, thank God!”
(Although I did grow up eating squirrels that my brother got, we never picked a bird out of the grill for supper!)
I’m glad you made it to the end! 🙂
You got me last year and you got me this year again. Next year I won’t fall for it! Cute and funny. Can’t wait to see what you come up with for next year.
Hmmm… I better start thinking of next year’s joke! 🙂
You totally got me too, Stephanie. The one phrase that kept going through my head as I read this was — become a vegetarian! If these were my only options, I’d give up meat in a heartbeat! 🙂
I totally agree!
This was too funny, I was thinking you had definitely advanced to the next level of being frugal!
While I’m super sad about the bear I have to admit part of me was looking at the picture thinking “There probably IS a lot of good meat on that…”
I know, right? When I told my sister she thought we should have kept it and made a bear skin rug.
The funny thing about last year’s post? I totally found myself in a public restroom with no toilet paper the other day and employed one of your tips (crinkling papertowel to make it softer) to make the situation slightly less horrible.
That is too funny! I love it! 🙂
Great post! I was indeed fooled…
I’m a vegetarian so I almost didn’t read this post but I figured money saving techniques could be used in other areas…once I got to the part about your son using a sling shot to kill the squirrel, I almost stopped reading…glad to know it was a joke.
That’s always my fear, that I’ll scare people off before they realize it’s a joke. I’m glad you stuck with me. 🙂
Is it bad that I didn’t realize this was an April Fools post until I got the roadkill part? In my hometown in Louisiana, we literally get a day off of school for the opening day of squirrel hunting season. The squirrel stew didn’t seem all that weird to me! Ha! Happy April Fools Day!
That’s hilarious Jessica! I knew that some of these weren’t too far from the truth for some people! Too funny!
You got me too! I know a few people that hunt squirrels, but I will never be one of them. I rarely eat meat and can’t stand most of it. There is plenty of dead possum and skunk lingering on the roads around us, but nope, nope nope.
We have tons to sunk and squirrel roadkill here too. NO WAY! 🙂
I.am.totally.relieved! You got me good!
Oh my gosh, I’m so relieved! I was seriously grossed out and feeling a bit disappointed! lol You TOTALLY got me. 🙂
I’m glad you stuck with me Evelyn!
Ha! You got me. I remember your post from last year. I knew that was a joke. This one? I was like “wow she does some extreme things, but good for her!” Haha. I personally just don’t like a lot of meat. I’m perfectly content without it so that has helped me save money. I know most people can’t go without meat tho!
I’m glad a fooled you Tracie! 🙂
Wow! That was incredible. You almost had me convinced to start thinking about eating things we accidently kill. I was trying to rationalize the whole thing in my mind. I just couldn’t help but get a little wave of nausea when I thought about breaking down an animal into food. That was a good one Stephanie, you totally got me! It helped that I sorta forgot it was April Fool’s.
The thought makes me nauseous too!
I have eight kids and we get all of our red meat free, it helps that Grandpa owns the grocery store so we get any manager specials that don’t sell. But a grocery store is a pretty big investment just for outdated meat.
That’s awesome Rosie! It’s nice to know that there is an easier way to get free meat. Now all we need is a grocery store! 🙂
I was reading this too, thinking, “Is she serious? I mean, I’m all for debt-free living, but this is gross . . . ;))” Great joke :).
I’m glad you made it to the end and didn’t give up on me!
You got me!
I am an avid reader of you blog and this made me laugh today. LOL
I was totally believing you! I thought, that is so gross, I guess in other states, they have a different guideline of what counts as meat! you fooled me!
I love your April fools day posts because they sound so serious haha!
I guess that’s one of the side effects of being on the extreme side of frugal– people believe you when you say you do some crazy things!
You got me with that one, lol!
I was thinking….I know they do things a bit different in the US and that none of these things are unheard of but I can’t wait to read the comments, I’m sure some people will not approve!
Well done 😂😂
You totally got me. Again. I believe I was fooled last year too. Ewwwww skunk.
Oh my Lanta!! You totally got me with this one! Great post. Haha
Oh man, I knew you guys were frugal, but I was definitely thinking what you were saying was a bit weird! You totally got me:)